WHEAT, n. A cereal from which a tolerably good whisky can be made; . . . also for bread. The French are said to eat more bread "per capita" of population than any other people, which is natural, for only they know how to make the stuff palatable.

Patience, n. A minor form of dispair, disguised as a virtue.

Success is the one unpardonable sin against our fellows.

April fool, n. The March fool with another month added to his folly.

PASTIME, n. A device for promoting dejection. Gentle exercise for intellectual debility.

NOMINATE, v. To designate for the heaviest political assessment. To put forward a suitable person to incur the mudgobbling and deadcatting of the opposition.

OPIATE, n. An unlocked door in the prison of Identity. It leads into the jail yard.