UNIVERSALIST, n. One who forgoes the advantage of a Hell for persons of another faith.

Experience is a revelation in the light of which we renounce our errors of youth for those of age.

TELESCOPE, n. A device having a relation to the eye similar to that of the telephone to the ear, enabling distant objects to plague us with a multitude of needless details. Luckily it is unprovided with a bell summoning us to the sacrifice.

An election is nothing more than the advanced auction of stolen goods.

Botany, n. The science of vegetables - those that are not good to eat, as well as those that are. It deals largely with their flowers, which are commonly badly designed, inartistic in color, and ill-smelling.

Idiot, n. A member of a large and powerful tribe whose influence in human affairs has always been dominant and controlling.

OBLIVION, n. Cold storage for high hopes. A place where ambitious authors meet their works without pride and their betters without envy. A dormitory without an alarm clock.