Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.

Accordion, n. An instrument in harmony with the sentiments of an assassin.

COMMERCE, n. A kind of transaction in which A plunders from B the goods of C, and for compensation B picks the pocket of D of money belonging to E.

I was born to poor because of honest parents.

DEINOTHERIUM, n. An extinct pachyderm that flourished when the Pterodactyl was in fashion. The latter was a native of Ireland, its name being pronounced Terry Dactyl or Peter O'Dactyl, as the man pronouncing it may chance to have heard it spoken or seen it printed.

Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.