Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.

MOUTH, n. In man, the gateway to the soul; in woman, the outlet of the heart.

REPRESENTATIVE, n. In national politics, a member of the Lower House in this world, and without discernible hope of promotion in the next.

RICE-WATER, n. A mystic beverage secretly used by our most popular novelists and poets to regulate the imagination and narcotize the conscience.

Barometer, n.: An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

APOTHECARY, n. The physician's accomplice, undertaker's benefactor and grave worm's provider