PHILISTINE, n. One whose mind is the creature of its environment, following the fashion in thought, feeling and sentiment. He is sometimes learned, frequently prosperous, commonly clean and always solemn.

Glutton- A person who escapes the evils of moderation by committing dyspepsia.

Irreligion - the principal one of the great faiths of the world.

Anoint, v.: To grease a king or other great functionary already sufficiently slippery.

BRAIN, n. An apparatus with which we think that we think. That which distinguishes the man who is content to be something from the man who wishes to do something. A man of great wealth, or one who has been pitchforked into high station, has commonly such a headful of brain that his neighbors cannot keep their hats on. In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, brain is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

There are two instruments worse than a clarinet - two clarinets.

Economy, n. Purchasing the barrel of whiskey that you do not need for the price of the cow that you cannot afford.