PROVIDENTIAL, adj. Unexpectedly and conspicuously beneficial to the person so describing it.

One engaged in a commercial pursuit. A commercial pursuit is one in which the thing pursued is a dollar.

SAUCE, n. The one infallible sign of civilization and enlightenment. A people with no sauces has one thousand vices; a people with one sauce has only nine hundred and ninety-nine. For every sauce invented and accepted a vice is renounced and forgiven.

Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.

GOOSE, n. A bird that supplies quills for writing. These [quills] when inked and drawn mechanically across paper by a person called an "author," there results a very fair and accurate transcript of the fowl's thought and feeling.

PANTOMIME, n. A play in which the story is told without violence to the language. The least disagreeable form of dramatic action.

NEWTONIAN, Pertaining to a philosophy of the universe invented by Newton, who discovered that an apple will fall to the ground, but was unable to say why. His successors and disciples have advanced so far as to be able to say when.