All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusions is called a philosopher.

Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.

PANTOMIME, n. A play in which the story is told without violence to the language. The least disagreeable form of dramatic action.

Historian - a broad-gauge gossip.

LAWYER, n. One skilled in circumvention of the law.

A book which the Mohammedans foolishly believe to have been written by divine inspiration, but which Christians know to be a wicked imposture, contradictory to the Holy Scriptures.

PLATONIC, adj. Pertaining to the philosophy of Socrates. Platonic Love is a fool's name for the affection between a disability and a frost.