UGLINESS, n. A gift of the gods to certain women, entailing virtue without humility.

Learning, n. The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

LAWYER, n. One skilled in circumvention of the law.

LINEN, n. "A kind of cloth the making of which, when made of hemp, entails a great waste of hemp."

LIVER, n. A large red organ thoughtfully provided by nature to be bilious with. The liver is heaven's best gift to the goose; without it that bird would be unable to supply us with the Strasbourg "pate".

An election is nothing more than the advanced auction of stolen goods.