Brain: an apparatus with which we think that we think. Mind, n. A mysterious form of matter secreted by the brain.

A man is the sum of his ancestors; to reform him you must begin with a dead ape and work downward through a million graves.

History is an account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools.

Democracy is four wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch.

Revolution, n. In politics, an abrupt change in the form of misgovernment.

General," said the commander of the delinquent brigade, "I am persuaded that any further display of valor by my troops will bring them into collision with the enemy.

PRIVATE, n. A military gentleman with a field-marshal's baton in his knapsack and an impediment in his hope.