For every man there is something in the vocabulary that would stick to him like a second skin. His enemies have only to find it.

Certain old men prefer to rise at dawn, taking a cold bath and a long walk with an empty stomach and otherwise mortifying the flesh. They then point with pride to these practices as the cause of their sturdy health and ripe years; the truth being that they are hearty and old, not because of their habits, but in spite of them. The reason we find only robust persons doing this thing is that it has killed all the others who have tried it.

Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.

DISCUSSION, n. A method of confirming others in their errors.

PHYSICIAN, n. One upon whom we set our hopes when ill and our dogs when well.

GOOSE, n. A bird that supplies quills for writing. These [quills] when inked and drawn mechanically across paper by a person called an "author," there results a very fair and accurate transcript of the fowl's thought and feeling.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.