For every man there is something in the vocabulary that would stick to him like a second skin. His enemies have only to find it.

PALMISTRY, n. The 947th method . . . of obtaining money by false pretences [by] "reading character" in the wrinkles [of] the hand. The pretence is not altogether false. . . for the wrinkles in every hand submitted plainly spell the word "dupe."

The most intolerant advocate is he who is trying to convince himself.

Conversation, n.: A vocal competition in which the one who is catching his breath is called the listener.

Faith: Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.

A subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the world's worship . . . . [H]is master works for the means wherewith to purchase the idle wag of the Solomonic tail, seasoned with a look of tolerant recognition.

Nothing is more logical than persecution. Religious tolerance is a kind of infidelity.