The wife, or bitter half.

Distance, n. The only thing that the rich are willing for the poor to call theirs and keep.

There would be far fewer accidents if we could only teach telephone poles to be more careful.

RECREATION, n. A particular kind of dejection to relieve a general fatigue.

diplomacy, n.: The patriotic art of lying for one's country.

RESPIRATOR, n. An apparatus fitted over the nose and mouth of an inhabitant of London, whereby to filter the visible universe in its passage to the lungs.

Optimism - the doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly.