QUOTIENT, n. A number showing how many times a sum of money belonging to one person is contained in the pocket of another - usually about as many times as it can be got there.

Conversation, n.: A vocal competition in which the one who is catching his breath is called the listener.

PALMISTRY, n. The 947th method . . . of obtaining money by false pretences [by] "reading character" in the wrinkles [of] the hand. The pretence is not altogether false. . . for the wrinkles in every hand submitted plainly spell the word "dupe."

Kindness n: A brief preface to ten volumes of exaction.

Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.

OYSTER, n. A slimy, gobby shellfish which civilization gives men the hardihood to eat without removing its entrails! The shells are sometimes given to the poor.

Perseverance - a lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves an inglorious success.