QUOTIENT, n. A number showing how many times a sum of money belonging to one person is contained in the pocket of another - usually about as many times as it can be got there.

CLOCK, n. A machine of great moral value to man, allaying his concern for the future by reminding him what a lot of time remains to him.

Kindness n: A brief preface to ten volumes of exaction.

A total abstainer is one who abstains from everything but abstention, and especially from inactivity in the affairs of others.

The clarinet is a musical instrument the only thing worse than which is two.

Heaven: A place where the wicked cease from troubling you with talk of their personal affairs, and the good listen with attention while you expound on yours.

HERMIT, n. A person whose vices and follies are not sociable.