God alone knows the future, but only an historian can alter the past.

HOMILETICS, n. The science of adapting sermons to the spiritual needs, capacities and conditions of the congregation.

OYSTER, n. A slimy, gobby shellfish which civilization gives men the hardihood to eat without removing its entrails! The shells are sometimes given to the poor.

PLATONIC, adj. Pertaining to the philosophy of Socrates. Platonic Love is a fool's name for the affection between a disability and a frost.

Conversation, n.: A vocal competition in which the one who is catching his breath is called the listener.

Christians and camels receive their burdens kneeling.

ELECTOR, n. One who enjoys the sacred privilege of voting for the man of another man's choice.