GNOSTICS, n. A sect of philosophers who tried to engineer a fusion between the early Christians and the Platonists. The former would not go into the caucus and the combination failed, greatly to the chagrin of the fusion managers.

optimism, n. The doctrine, or belief, that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly, everything good, especially the bad, and everything right that is wrong. It is held with greatest tenacity by those most accustomed to the mischance of falling into adversity, and is most acceptably expounded with disproof - an intellectual disorder, yielding to no treatment but death. It is hereditary, but fortunately not contagious.

Nominee. A modest gentleman shrinking from the distinction of private life and diligently seeking the honorable obscurity of public office.

PENITENT, adj. Undergoing or awaiting punishment.

MERCY, n. An attribute beloved of detected offenders.

Scriptures - The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.

Admiration, n. Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.