WASHINGTONIAN, n. A Potomac tribesman who exchanged the privilege of governing himself for the advantage of good government. In justice to him it should be said that he did not want to.

Respectability, n. The offspring of a liaison between a bald head and a bank account.

There would be far fewer accidents if we could only teach telephone poles to be more careful.

An egotist is a person of low taste - more interested in himself than in me.

Bigamy, n. A mistake in taste for which the wisdom of the future will adjudge a punishment called trigamy.

DISCRIMINATE, v.i. To note the particulars in which one person or thing is, if possible, more objectionable than another.

LEAD, n. A heavy blue-gray metal much used in giving stability to light lovers - particularly to those who love not wisely but other men's wives.