RAILROAD, n. The chief of many mechanical devices enabling us to get away from where we are to where we are no better off. For this purpose the railroad is held in highest favor by the optimist, for it permits him to make the transit with great expedition.

HAND, n. A singular instrument worn at the end of the human arm and commonly thrust into somebody's pocket.

A less popular name for the Second Person of that delectable newspaper Trinity, the Roomer, the Bedder, and the Mealer.

Duty - that which sternly impels us in the direction of profit, along the line of desire.

Architect. One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money.

April fool, n. The March fool with another month added to his folly.

Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.