TEETOTALER, n. One who abstains from strong drink, sometimes totally, sometimes tolerably totally.

If you want to read a perfect book there is only one way: write it.

Book - Learning : The dunce's derisive term for all knowledge that transcends his own impertinent ignorance.

REPENTANCE, n. The faithful attendant and follower of Punishment. It is usually manifest in a degree of reformation that is not inconsistent with continuity of sin.

HUSBAND, n. One who, having dined, is charged with the care of the plate.

ROSTRUM, n. In Latin, the beak of a bird or the prow of a ship. In America, a place from which a candidate for office energetically expounds the wisdom, virtue and power of the rabble.

MAGNITUDE, n. Size [that is] purely relative. If everything in the universe were increased 1,000 diameters nothing would be any larger than it was before, but if one thing remain unchanged all the others would be larger than they had been.