MAGNETISM, n. Something acting upon a magnet. The two definitions immediately foregoing are condensed from the works of one thousand eminent scientists, who have illuminated the subject with a great white light, to the inexpressible advancement of human knowledge.

TEETOTALER, n. One who abstains from strong drink, sometimes totally, sometimes tolerably totally.

Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.

Doubt is the father of invention.

I never said all Democrats were saloonkeepers. What I said was that all saloonkeepers are Democrats.

Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.

The clarinet is a musical instrument the only thing worse than which is two.