Distress: A disease incurred by exposure to the prosperity of a friend.

Clarinet n. An instrument of torture operated by a person with cotton in his ears. There are two instruments worse than a clarinet – two clarinets.

Think twice before you speak to a friend in need

STORY, n. A narrative, commonly untrue.

Cat: a soft indestructible automaton provided by nature to be kicked when things go wrong in the domestic circle.

RECOUNT, n. In American politics, another throw of the dice, accorded to the player against whom they are loaded.

Aristocrats: n. fellows that wear downy hats and clean shirts - guilty of education and suspected of bank accounts.