Distress: A disease incurred by exposure to the prosperity of a friend.

HARMONISTS, n. A sect of Protestants, now extinct, who came from Europe in the beginning of the last century and were distinguished for the bitterness of their internal controversies and dissensions.

UXORIOUSNESS, n. A perverted affection that has strayed to one's own wife.

FIB, n. A lie that has not cut its teeth. An habitual liar's nearest approach to truth: the perigee of his eccentric orbit.

RECONCILIATION, n. A suspension of hostilities. An armed truce for the purpose of digging up the dead.

REFERENDUM, n. A law for submission of proposed legislation to a popular vote to learn the nonsensus of public opinion.

Respectability, n. The offspring of a liaison between a bald head and a bank account.