Patriotism, n. Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name. In Dr. Johnson's famous dictionary patriotism is defined as the last resort of a scoundrel. With all due respect to an enlightened but inferior lexicographer I beg to submit it is the first.

War: A by-product of the arts of peace.

The best kind of onion soup is the simplest kind.

Absence blots people out. We really have no absent friends.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

When among the graves of thy fellows, walk with circumspection; thine own is open at thy feet.

POLITICIAN, n. An eel in the fundamental mud upon which the superstructure of organized society is reared. When he wriggles, he mistakes the agitation of his tail for the trembling of the edifice.