REPORTER, n. A writer who guesses his way to the truth and dispels it with a tempest of words.
Ambrose BierceARSENIC, n. A kind of cosmetic greatly affected by the ladies, whom it greatly affects in turn.
Ambrose BierceWhile your friend holds you affectionately by both your hands, you are safe, for you can watch both his.
Ambrose BierceAn immaterial but visible being that inhabited the air when the air was an element and before it was fatally polluted with factory smoke, sewer gas and similar products of civilization.
Ambrose BierceMAN, n. An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he is as to overlook what he indubitably ought to be. His chief occupation is extermination of other animals and his own species, which, however, multiplies with such insistent rapidity as to infest the whole habitable earth and Canada.
Ambrose Bierce