Eloquence, n. The art of orally persuading fools that white is the color that it appears to be. It includes the gift of making any color appear white.

RESPIRATOR, n. An apparatus fitted over the nose and mouth of an inhabitant of London, whereby to filter the visible universe in its passage to the lungs.

An absolute monarchy is one in which the sovereign does as he pleases so long as he pleases the assassins.

Consult: To seek approval for a course of action already decided upon.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

REVEILLE, n. A signal to sleeping soldiers to dream of battlefields no more, but get up and have their blue noses counted.

PLAGIARIZE, v. To take the thought or style of another writer whom one has never, never read.