LOVE, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage or by removal of the patient from the influences under which he incurred the disorder.

TABLE D'HOTE, n. A caterer's thrifty concession to the universal passion for irresponsibility.

INTERPRETER, n. One who enables two persons of different languages to understand each other by repeating to each what it would have been to the interpreter's advantage for the other to have said.

A nutritious substance supplied by a bountiful Providence for the fattening of the poor.

Riot – A popular entertainment given to the military by innocent bystanders.

While your friend holds you affectionately by both your hands, you are safe, for you can watch both his.

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.