EMOTION, n. A prostrating disease caused by a determination of the heart to the head. It is sometimes accompanied by a copious discharge of hydrated chloride of sodium from the eyes.

Eloquence, n. The art of orally persuading fools that white is the color that it appears to be. It includes the gift of making any color appear white.

MONKEY, n. An arboreal animal which makes itself at home in genealogical trees.

OUTCOME, n. A particular type of disappointment . . . . judged by the outcome, the result. This is immortal nonsense; the wisdom of an act is to be juded by the light that the doer had when he performed it.

PANTOMIME, n. A play in which the story is told without violence to the language. The least disagreeable form of dramatic action.

An election is nothing more than the advanced auction of stolen goods.

Cabbage: a familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.