War: A by-product of the arts of peace.

Income is the natural and rational gauge and measure of respectability.

An aged Burgundy runs with a beardless Port. I cherish the fancy that Port speaks sentences of wisdom, Burgundy sings the inspired Ode.

MAN, n. An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he is as to overlook what he indubitably ought to be. His chief occupation is extermination of other animals and his own species, which, however, multiplies with such insistent rapidity as to infest the whole habitable earth and Canada.

Bacchus, n.: A convenient deity invented by the ancients as an excuse for getting drunk.

If every hypocrite in the United States were to break his leg to-day the country could be successfully invaded to-morrow by the warlike hypocrites of Canada.

RUSSIAN, n. A person with a Caucasian body and a Mongolian soul. A Tartar Emetic.