War: A by-product of the arts of peace.

That part of your friend which it is your privilege to contemplate in your adversity

Behavior, n. Conduct, as determined, not by principle, but by breeding.

RICE-WATER, n. A mystic beverage secretly used by our most popular novelists and poets to regulate the imagination and narcotize the conscience.

As a means of dispensing formulated ignorance our boasted public school system is not without merit; it spreads out education sufficiently thin to give everyone enough to make him a more competent fool than he would have been without it.

NOMINATE, v. To designate for the heaviest political assessment. To put forward a suitable person to incur the mudgobbling and deadcatting of the opposition.

Economy, n. Purchasing the barrel of whiskey that you do not need for the price of the cow that you cannot afford.