optimism, n. The doctrine, or belief, that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly, everything good, especially the bad, and everything right that is wrong. It is held with greatest tenacity by those most accustomed to the mischance of falling into adversity, and is most acceptably expounded with disproof - an intellectual disorder, yielding to no treatment but death. It is hereditary, but fortunately not contagious.

For every man there is something in the vocabulary that would stick to him like a second skin. His enemies have only to find it.

Women in love are less ashamed than men. They have less to be ashamed of.

MONARCHICAL GOVERNMENT, n. Government.

TABLE D'HOTE, n. A caterer's thrifty concession to the universal passion for irresponsibility.

PERFECTION, n. An imaginary state of quality distinguished from the actual by an element known as excellence; an attribute of the critic.

MAN, n. An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he is as to overlook what he indubitably ought to be. His chief occupation is extermination of other animals and his own species, which, however, multiplies with such insistent rapidity as to infest the whole habitable earth and Canada.