optimism, n. The doctrine, or belief, that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly, everything good, especially the bad, and everything right that is wrong. It is held with greatest tenacity by those most accustomed to the mischance of falling into adversity, and is most acceptably expounded with disproof - an intellectual disorder, yielding to no treatment but death. It is hereditary, but fortunately not contagious.

OYSTER, n. A slimy, gobby shellfish which civilization gives men the hardihood to eat without removing its entrails! The shells are sometimes given to the poor.

The wife, or bitter half.

Work: a dangerous disorder affecting high public functionaries who want to go fishing.

Epitaph: An inscription on a tomb showing that virtues acquired by death have a retroactive effect.

LOGANIMITY, n. The disposition to endure injury with meek forbearance while maturing a plan of revenge.

I think I think, therefore I think I am.