ORTHODOX, n. An ox wearing the popular religious joke.

Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.

Success is the one unpardonable sin against our fellows.

PESSIMISM- philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile.

Friendless. Having no favors to bestow. Destitute of fortune. Addicted to utterance of truth and common sense.

Christian, n.: one who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor.

DIGESTION, n. The conversion of victuals into virtues. When the process is imperfect, vices are evolved instead - a circumstance from which that wicked writer, Dr. Jeremiah Blenn, infers that the ladies are the greater sufferers from dyspepsia.