Age is provident because the less future we have the more we fear it.

Absence blots people out. We really have no absent friends.

Acquaintance. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.

Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.

Respectability, n. The offspring of a liaison between a bald head and a bank account.

MAGNETISM, n. Something acting upon a magnet. The two definitions immediately foregoing are condensed from the works of one thousand eminent scientists, who have illuminated the subject with a great white light, to the inexpressible advancement of human knowledge.

LEGACY, n. A gift from one who is legging it out of this vale of tears.