An auctioneer is a man who proclaims with a hammer that he has picked a pocket with his tongue.

Pun: A form of wit, to which wise men stoop and fools aspire

YESTERDAY, n. The infancy of youth, the youth of manhood, the entire past of age.

Potable, n. Suitable for drinking. Water is said to be potable; indeed, some declare it our natural beverage, although even they find it palatable only when suffering from the recurrent disorder known as thirst, for which it is a medicine.

Present, n. That part of eternity dividing the domain of disappointment from the realm of hope.

ROSTRUM, n. In Latin, the beak of a bird or the prow of a ship. In America, a place from which a candidate for office energetically expounds the wisdom, virtue and power of the rabble.

REVEILLE, n. A signal to sleeping soldiers to dream of battlefields no more, but get up and have their blue noses counted.