Absence blots people out. We really have no absent friends.

A man is the sum of his ancestors; to reform him you must begin with a dead ape and work downward through a million graves.

FRYING-PAN, n. One part of the penal apparatus employed in that punitive institution, a woman's kitchen. The frying-pan was invented by Calvin, and by him used in cooking span-long infants that had died without baptism; and observing one day the horrible torment of a tramp who had incautiously pulled a fried babe from the waste-dump and devoured it, it occurred to the great divine to rob death of its terrors by introducing the frying-pan into every household in Geneva. Thence it spread to all corners of the world, and has been of invaluable assistance in the propagation of his sombre faith.

Here's to woman! Would that we could fold into her arms without falling into her hands.

Woman absent is woman dead.

A hollow edifice erected for the habitation of man, rat, mouse, beetle, cockroach, fly, mosquito, flea, bacillus, and microbe.

CANNON, n. An instrument employed in the rectification of national boundaries.