PAIN, n. An uncomfortable frame of mind that may have a physical basis in something that is being done to the body, or may be purely mental, caused by the good fortune of another.

LOVE, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage or by removal of the patient from the influences under which he incurred the disorder.

Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.

Christian, n.: one who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor.

CLERGYMAN, n. A man who undertakes the management of our spiritual affairs as a method of better his temporal ones.

Death is a dignitary who when he comes announced is received with formal manifestations of respect, even by those most familiar with him. In the code of military etiquette silence and fixity are forms of deference

Destiny: A tyrant's authority for crime and a fool's excuse for failure.