GUNPOWDER, n. An agency employed by civilized nations for the settlement of disputes which might become troublesome if left unadjusted. By most writers the invention of gunpowder is ascribed to the Chinese, but not upon very convincing evidence. Milton says it was invented by the devil to dispel angels with, and this opinion seems to derive some support from the scarcity of angels.

Dog - a kind of additional or subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the world's worship.

Be as decent as you can. Don't believe without evidence. Treat things divine with marked respect — don't have anything to do with them. Do not trust humanity without collateral security; it will play you some scurvy trick. Remember that it hurts no one to be treated as an enemy entitled to respect until he shall prove himself a friend worthy of affection. Cultivate a taste for distasteful truths. And, finally, most important of all, endeavor to see things as they are, not as they ought to be.

MATERIAL, adj. Having an actual existence, as distinguished from an imaginary one. Important.

ASPERSE, v.t. Maliciously to ascribe to another vicious actions which one has not had the temptation and opportunity to commit.

A malefactor who atones for making your writing nonsense by permitting the compositor to make it unintelligible.

Brain: an apparatus with which we think that we think. Mind, n. A mysterious form of matter secreted by the brain.