GUNPOWDER, n. An agency employed by civilized nations for the settlement of disputes which might become troublesome if left unadjusted. By most writers the invention of gunpowder is ascribed to the Chinese, but not upon very convincing evidence. Milton says it was invented by the devil to dispel angels with, and this opinion seems to derive some support from the scarcity of angels.

ENVY, n. Emulation adapted to the meanest capacity.

HAND, n. A singular instrument worn at the end of the human arm and commonly thrust into somebody's pocket.

Theology is a thing of unreason altogether, an edifice of assumptions and dreams, a superstructure without a substructure

REALISM, n. The art of depicting nature as it is seem by toads. The charm suffusing a landscape painted by a mole, or a story written by a measuring-worm.

RADIUM, n. A mineral that gives off heat and stimulates the organ that a scientist is a fool with.

Wit - the salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out.