The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

Self-restraint is indulgence of the propensity to forgo.

IMPENITENCE, n. A state of mind intermediate in point of time between sin and punishment.

MOUTH, n. In man, the gateway to the soul; in woman, the outlet of the heart.

What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republican? One who believes that the democrats would ruin the country.

Patriotism, n. Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name. In Dr. Johnson's famous dictionary patriotism is defined as the last resort of a scoundrel. With all due respect to an enlightened but inferior lexicographer I beg to submit it is the first.

While your friend holds you affectionately by both your hands, you are safe, for you can watch both his.