COMMENDATION n. The tribute that we pay to achievements that resembles but do not equal our own.

RADIUM, n. A mineral that gives off heat and stimulates the organ that a scientist is a fool with.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

LOGANIMITY, n. The disposition to endure injury with meek forbearance while maturing a plan of revenge.

KISS, n. A word invented by the poets as a rhyme for "bliss." It is supposed to signify, in a general way, some kind of rite or ceremony appertaining to a good understanding; but the manner of its performance is unknown to this lexicographer.

Christian - One who follows the teachings of Christ insofar as they are not inconsistent with a life of sin.

OBLIVION, n. Cold storage for high hopes. A place where ambitious authors meet their works without pride and their betters without envy. A dormitory without an alarm clock.