What this country needs what every country needs occasionally is a good hard bloody war to revive the vice of patriotism on which its existence as a nation depends.

Abnormal, adj. Not conforming to standard. In matters of thought and conduct, to be independent is to be abnormal, to be abnormal is to be detested.

Pun: A form of wit, to which wise men stoop and fools aspire

IMPENITENCE, n. A state of mind intermediate in point of time between sin and punishment.

Certain old men prefer to rise at dawn, taking a cold bath and a long walk with an empty stomach and otherwise mortifying the flesh. They then point with pride to these practices as the cause of their sturdy health and ripe years; the truth being that they are hearty and old, not because of their habits, but in spite of them. The reason we find only robust persons doing this thing is that it has killed all the others who have tried it.

AFFLICTION, n. An acclimatizing process preparing the soul for another and bitter world.

Distance, n. The only thing that the rich are willing for the poor to call theirs and keep.