Conversation, n.: A vocal competition in which the one who is catching his breath is called the listener.

PIG, n. An animal ("Porcus omnivorus") closely allied to the human race by the splendor and vivacity of its appetite, which, however, is inferior in scope, for it sticks at pig.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

RADIUM, n. A mineral that gives off heat and stimulates the organ that a scientist is a fool with.

Brain, v. [as in "to brain"]: To rebuke bluntly, but not pointedly; to dispel a source of error in an opponent.

Houseless: Having paid all taxes on household goods.

Patience, n. A minor form of dispair, disguised as a virtue.