PROBOSCIS, n. The rudimentary organ of an elephant which serves him in place of the knife-and-fork that Evolution has as yet denied him. For purposes of humor it is popularly called a trunk.

To be positive is to be mistaken at the top of one's voice.

A lottery is a tax on stupidity.

PLEBEIAN, n. An ancient Roman who in the blood of his country stained nothing but his hands. Distinguished from the Patrician, who was a saturated solution.

New York is too strenuous for me; it gets on my nerves.

VIRTUES, n.pl. Certain abstentions.

PENITENT, adj. Undergoing or awaiting punishment.