PROBOSCIS, n. The rudimentary organ of an elephant which serves him in place of the knife-and-fork that Evolution has as yet denied him. For purposes of humor it is popularly called a trunk.

Patriotism, n. Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name. In Dr. Johnson's famous dictionary patriotism is defined as the last resort of a scoundrel. With all due respect to an enlightened but inferior lexicographer I beg to submit it is the first.

Scribbler, n. A professional writer whose views are antagonistic to one's own.

Inventor: A person who makes an ingenious arrangement of wheels, levers and springs, and believes it civilization.

Opposition, n. In politics the party that prevents the government from running amuck by hamstringing it.

In each human heart are a tiger, a pig, an ass and a nightingale. Diversity of character is due to their unequal activity.

RIGHTEOUSNESS, n. A sturdy virtue that was once found among the Pantidoodles inhabiting the lower part of the peninsula of Oque. Some feeble attempts were made by returned missionaries to introduce it into several European countries . .