PROBOSCIS, n. The rudimentary organ of an elephant which serves him in place of the knife-and-fork that Evolution has as yet denied him. For purposes of humor it is popularly called a trunk.

Impiety. Your irreverence toward my deity.

RETRIBUTION, n. A rain of fire-and-brimstone that falls alike upon the just and such of the unjust as have not procured shelter by evicting them.

Childhood: the period of human life intermediate between the idiocy of infancy and the folly of youth - two removes from the sin of manhood and three from the remorse of age.

Education, n.: That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.

Alligator: The crocodile of America, superior in every detail to the crocodile of the effete monarchies of the Old World.

Jealous, adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth keeping.