A subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the world's worship . . . . [H]is master works for the means wherewith to purchase the idle wag of the Solomonic tail, seasoned with a look of tolerant recognition.

Barometer, n.: An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.

Irreligion - the principal one of the great faiths of the world.

The partisan strife in which the people of the country are permitted to periodically engage does not tend to the development of ugly traits of character, but merely discloses those that preexist.

A malefactor who atones for making your writing nonsense by permitting the compositor to make it unintelligible.

Idiot, n. A member of a large and powerful tribe whose influence in human affairs has always been dominant and controlling.

Funeral: a pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker, and strengthen our grief by an expenditure that deepens our groans and doubles our tears.