Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.

RESPITE, n. A suspension of hostilities against a sentenced assassin, to enable the Executive to determine whether the murder may not have been done by the prosecuting attorney. Any break in the continuity of a disagreeable expectation.

Twice – Once too often.

Empty wine bottles have a bad opinion of women.

There are two instruments worse than a clarinet - two clarinets.

The speech of one who utters with his tongue what he thinks with his ear, and feels the pride of a creator in accomplishing the feat of a parrot. A means (under Providence) of setting up as a wit without a capital of sense.

Coward: One who, in a perilous emergency, thinks with his legs.