ILLUSTRIOUS, adj. Suitably placed for the shafts of malice, envy and detraction.

PLAGIARIZE, v. To take the thought or style of another writer whom one has never, never read.

LEAD, n. A heavy blue-gray metal much used in giving stability to light lovers - particularly to those who love not wisely but other men's wives.

ORTHOGRAPHY, n. The science of spelling by the eye instead of the ear.

Dentist: a prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coin out of your pocket.

MUGWUMP, n. In politics one afflicted with self-respect and addicted to the vice of independence. A term of contempt.

Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.