Certain old men prefer to rise at dawn, taking a cold bath and a long walk with an empty stomach and otherwise mortifying the flesh. They then point with pride to these practices as the cause of their sturdy health and ripe years; the truth being that they are hearty and old, not because of their habits, but in spite of them. The reason we find only robust persons doing this thing is that it has killed all the others who have tried it.

EXHORT, v.t. In religious affairs, to put the conscience of another upon the spit and roast it to a nut-brown discomfort.

GUILLOTINE, n. A machine which makes a Frenchman shrug his shoulders with good reason.

Knowledge is the small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify.

NOTORIETY, n. The fame of one's competitor for public honors. The kind of renown most accessible and acceptable to mediocrity. A Jacob's-ladder leading to the vaudeville stage, with angels ascending and descending.

FIDDLE, n. An instrument to tickle human ears by friction of a horse's tail on the entrails of a cat.

Creditor. One of a tribe of savages dwelling beyond the Financial Straits and dreaded for their desolating incursions.