Want me to Stevie Wonder my way to the bathroom?

I want to keep working really hard at getting better at stand-up and touring, and I can't imagine a time when I won't want to do that. But, who knows?

I only met Joan Rivers once. But when she passed away, it felt like a part of me went away, too.

I'll never forget how she told us. She took us all out to brunch, and she was like, 'You guys, I'm keeping this one.'

You shoot saltwater in your ass?

I finally just slept with my high school crush. But I swear; now he expects me to go to his graduation - like I know where I'm going to be in three years.

Don't feel bad for me. I think I'm, like, so pretty.