You gotta be happy when you wake up in the morning and look at what's next to ya. You wanna just hop on it again. That's how I feel. That's what life is about. Because when you leave the house, it's all misery anyway.

There are very few comics that understand about exciting the crowd, and that's what I always prided myself on: giving a more confident macho attitude towards delivering material.

If it smells like fish its a dish. If it smells like cologne leave it alone.

I think the best part of being gay is when you're done [with sex], you could turn over and talk about football.

I never became a recluse where I got away from people and who they are and how they think. I'm very much in touch with the world.

I'm not the greatest husband - I've got a girlfriend. It doesn't really please my wife, but then if I was looking to please her I wouldn't have a girlfriend. I mean she knows about it, and I guess she's okay with it. Plus my kids like both of them.

I like when something makes you think after you stop watching.