There was an old lady who lived in a shoe. She had so many kids... her uterus fell out!

I've been getting in trouble my whole life and I really don't care what anybody thinks of what I do on stage as a comic.

I don't get up and look at e-mail. I don't even know my e-mail address. I needed one just to have a computer put on. But I never, ever even thought of going to it. It's just not what I'm about. I just don't want to waste my life with it. It's just too much; I think people are just a little too absorbed in all of that.

I always believed you could fix whatever problems.

I certainly don't walk around my home or being with my family and just using profane language all the time, but on stage, it's a constant.

I have no problem today letting people know I'm part of what they live. That's why I know about the things that make people the assholes they are. They have no choice but to be part of it.

Anything that I wanted to do in my career that I wanted to do always worked out. The stuff I got talked into always failed. All the stuff I was talked into, by brilliant managers, because it always came down to, "Know how much money you'll make?" And then it would just fail.