Alexander Graham Bell was the first person to ever sarcastically say hello. Hellooo, I invented the telephone!

Tracy Morgan apologizes for his homophobic rant, still no apologies for the sketch about the guy living under the street.

I'm Jewish... We're a very nervous group. Paranoid. Anxiety-ridden. Maybe that Hitler thing made us a little jumpy. Nothing like a Holocaust to make you mind your Ps and Qs for a couple hundred years I always say.

My friend taught me this one. You take the heel of your hand, you can shove someone's nose right through their brain. I can't even watch someone blow their nose. If I'm in a fight, I'm not gonna be shoving or poking, I'm gonna be running or begging - that's my two choices, right there.

The saddest day in Pixar history was when some guy said 'get Larry the Cable Guy on the phone.

Alexander Graham Bell was the first person to ever sarcastically say hello. Hellooo, I invented the telephone!

I don't think there's anything Craig Ferguson could say that would make me laugh. Ad-libbing is not the same as entertainment.