The saddest day in Pixar history was when some guy said 'get Larry the Cable Guy on the phone.

I do have insecurities. I don't know if you can tell. I'm not brimming with confidence.

My friend taught me this one. You take the heel of your hand, you can shove someone's nose right through their brain. I can't even watch someone blow their nose. If I'm in a fight, I'm not gonna be shoving or poking, I'm gonna be running or begging - that's my two choices, right there.

Larry the Cable Guy has signed a deal with Cracker Barrel. Not the store. He signed a deal with a barrel full of angry rednecks.

I'm sorry and ashamed to report that I'm not actually a Jew. I was pretending to be a Jew to minimize the holocaust.

I don't know what Tracy Morgan does on stage, but I can assure you it's no act.

Some of my stuff, I realize is just rage.