George Lopez does so much mugging, I'm surprised he's not up on charges.

Dave Rath is recovering. A month ago he had hip pocket replacement surgery.

Judah Friedlander, I'm ok with you being the world champion for a few years more. That's a hook with legs. But I think he should make one more hat, that says 'there's a limit to how funny words on a hat can be'. And then move to a chapeau.

Now we have two choices in life: have sex with the same person forever or risk a terminal disease. Either way, your life is over.

There's a lot of controversy online, some people say i'm a genius and other say i'm hugely talented.

I don't believe in burning holy books, but I am organizing a protest. I'll be burning all my Dennis Miller VHS cassettes as a special protest. I don't want to hear the introduction 'you may have seen our next comedian on the Hannity show'.

They shouldn't call anything a boot camp unless you're going off to war. Standup boot camp has been a fantastic thing, for the people putting it on. They keep you out in the woods and won't let you come back until you're funny. Lenny Bruce came up with his Religions Inc. bit on a day hike.