Now we have two choices in life: have sex with the same person forever or risk a terminal disease. Either way, your life is over.

There's a lot of controversy online, some people say i'm a genius and other say i'm hugely talented.

The saddest day in Pixar history was when some guy said 'get Larry the Cable Guy on the phone.

I believe conspiracy theories are part of a larger conspiracy to distract us from the real conspiracy. String theory.

I watched Anderson Cooper 360 for a year before I realized that the second hour was a repeat of the first. I just thought his reporting seemed familiar.

Judah Friedlander, I'm ok with you being the world champion for a few years more. That's a hook with legs. But I think he should make one more hat, that says 'there's a limit to how funny words on a hat can be'. And then move to a chapeau.

George Lopez does so much mugging, I'm surprised he's not up on charges.