If, on the other hand, happiness depends on a good breakfast, flowers in the yard, a drink or a nap, then we are more likely to live with quite a bit of happiness.

By the time they're ready to be thrown away, most shoes are thoroughly comfortable

I've learned... That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.

Where some people may see loving grandparents, I see a pair of feckless boobs who can't drive, take way too long to shop, and don't even have the most basic grasps on the new technology. As a staunch supporter of the principles of Darwinism, I think that advances in modern medicine are starting to overrule the survival of the fittest, and it's to our [youngers'] detriment.

People will generally accept facts as truth only if the facts agree with what they already believe.

Did you ever hear one of those corny, positive messages on someone's answering machine? 'Hi, it's a great day and I'm out enjoying it right now. I hope you are too. The thought for the day is share the love.' Beep. 'Uh, yeah, this is the VD clinic. Speaking of being positive, your test is back. Stop sharing the love.'

If dogs could talk it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one.