I've learned... That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.

Soap, like people, shouldn't smell like anything.

I don't think the government is out to get me or help someone else get me but it wouldn't surprise me if they were out to sell me something or help someone else sell me something. I mean, why else would the Census Bureau want to know my telephone number?

I know a lot of you believe that most people in the news business are liberal. Let me tell you, I know a lot of them, and they were almost evenly divided this time. Half of them liked Senator Kerry; the other half hated President Bush.

I can't choose how i feel. But i can choose what I do about it.

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.

Figure skating is an unlikely Olympic event but its good television. It's sort of a combination of gymnastics and ballet. A little sexy too which doesn't hurt.